A Day Like This
Tuesday 15th November 2011
I found my heart racing. Unsettled. We were caught in an unexpected jam on the highway. What was supposed to be a fifteen minutes ride turned out to be a forty minute long ordeal! Yes, even though I knew that the slow down would have probably been linked to some sort of accident or mishap, I still found myself internally rushing even though physically I was still, on the road, in my car. I glanced to my children in the backseat. Even though they were making happy noises, I know the little one was going to let out a squeal soon. It is past his lunch time and definitely running into his nap time.
I knew what this internal war was all about in my heart today. It was the mommy versus the money war. I have settled the issue long ago but found it still unsettling when an old customer calls up for a re-service and I found myself having to handover to another person what I once worked so hard for and fought to keep to myself for, against all other competitors. I am only a fool if I think I can lose what I cannot keep in the first place. I still well remember the adrenalin rush, the pressure of having to juggle career and motherhood and I have chosen the road less travelled of giving it all for the vocation of motherhood now. My meetings turned into appointments to feed, rock, nurse, put to sleep and play with my two young ones, and I am not ashamed to say that I am enjoying motherhood in quantum leaps and I get a lot of joy seeing chubbed out cheeks from my carefully constructed kids healthy meals and unapologetic from being the mum who squeals with delight at the first sight of my daughter rushing out of class or my son mouthing his very first few vocabulary.
The war has ended for me. The work may still continue, but the victory is sealed for me in my road of finding out life’s purpose in the singular season of a woman’s life.