Goodbye Forever Red-Faced Mama & How to Calm Your Angry Self

“Come to Me. all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

I was born wrapped in her; struggled my way out of her clasp in the early days of our marriage.

I never knew anger to be a snake that slithers to slaughter your sense of peace.

Or that one strike is all it takes to annihilate any sense of calm. 

I’m not trying to deny it, and I’m not proud of it.

I know the way she’d come — how she’d rear her ugly head in the scene of my home, sneak right in under the fold of my skin and my voice would escalate, my face contorts, my heart hardens…

Anger is often short, but sharp.

There are fireworks of the heart— and when they explode, they can make you feel so exposed.

There are words you spew in anger that you can never swallow back.

And then there’s this man I often see from the front camera of my home.

A neighbour who’s had to sleep — (not just for a few nights, but many months now) — in the confine of his car, the squashed space of his seat, and in the lonesome silence of many nights — right there at the front of my street.

And I thought he was stalking us.

Turned out his wife had been angry with him, and ???, I think I may understand that scenario a little too well.

But really, can we find calm in a sea of chaos, live under one roof harmoniously with imperfect beings?

Can people really change, basic temperaments morph, and characters transform?

Can red-faced mamas tame angry monsters and stay sane in the midst of dirty dishes and noisy children who won’t sleep, and who’d stay up too far, too late into too many nights?

Whenever I throw a spanner in the works of what is supposedly a harmonious family life; or throw my hands up in the air over the bitter waters of my life the waters of MaraI chose to walk right into the place of wilderness where my old habits, hangups, and hurts remain unredeemed.

“And when they came to Marah, they could not drink of the waters of Marah, for they were bitter: therefore the name of it was called Marah.” (Exodus 15:23)

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And so I repent.

Because whenever we stampede towards whatever we think would relieve us with the respite we seek to find out that only bitter water is sputtering out — and we are spat out in dismay we’ve fallen short to understand that it’s firstly our own bitterness that needs the thorough excavation.

What is it that we look forward to so expectantly that when realities differ, we grow bitter?

Can long lines, missed deadlines, dusted-off dreams, and awkward friendships nullify joy?

My husband; he’s jovial and often jokes with me about me being angry with my anger.

I think he really does get me (in a way).

He understands that there is this part of our womanhood where common sense isn’t so common, and he’s happy to conform.

And he knows that on nights when we’re both threatened to take off with our car and sleep on the street, that the healing tree is already provided here.

“And he cried unto the Lord; and the Lord shewed him a tree, which when he had cast into the waters, the waters were made sweet…” (Exodus 15:25)

That there is a healing tree provided all along — the tree which is symbolic of the Cross of Calvary —  the Tree that is able to absorb all our bitter histories and transform them into our redeeming stories.

So that we know that He really knows.

He who understands the perils of poverty and the discomfort of dirt understands our challenges, and what it feels to be human, or how to love till your heart hurts, and to give till your head spins.

Whenever we are angry — His healing tree is provided here for us.

You can hear Him whispering it gentle in the midst of our loud screams —

What can change debase nature, stubborn angst, unresolved disputes, or utter brokenness? My Cross”

His Cross brings His presence; He calms, comforts, and cheers.

He’s with us on slow traffic roads or in bustling cities with the hagglers and hasslers. He rides with us through the turbulent bumps on plane rides and so there’s no need to be anxious, no reason to remain angry.

He’s here.

He’s for us.

There’s no longer any need to prove our point, state our mind, speak our piece or use anger as a ruse of control when really, everything is in His control.

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And there’s no shame in feeling the feeling, or owning the emotion, but here’s the chance to be truly great:

To trust God to straighten things up that look and feel crooked.

To let grace be the antidote so anger, ageing and anxiety don’t have to be.

Because why do we spend so much time decluttering and decorating our abode when really our soul’s most urgent need is to display tranquility, a confident serenity?

So here we are letting go:

Letting go of allowing bad days, bad breaths, and bad hair-dos to determine our level of joy.

Letting go of comparison and contentiousness to determine our standard of contentment; such shallow happiness.

Letting go of feeling ripped off in life, believing that in Him — everything is rigged in and for our favour.

Letting go of fathers and father figures — of seeing yourself through them and deriving your delight in them — so that Christ can rule and you somehow reign with Him.

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What about you? How can we be a community safe for you to triumph? Please leave a thought and let’s trump anger together.

6 thoughts on “Goodbye Forever Red-Faced Mama & How to Calm Your Angry Self

  1. Cindy says:

    I’m a stuffer not a spewer. Doesn’t make my anger less, just less evident. And oh, how I need the healing tree as I swallow my words and fight to keep them down, as I hold them a bit in my mouth to see how they’d taste if I released them, and as I bring them back up now and then to remember my hurt. Your words today are lovely and encouraging and have touched me, your #fmf neighbor, Cindy

    Like

    • Liz.W says:

      Cindy, *thank.you* – such heartfelt encouragement and fully, deeply appreciated. thank you for sharing your other side of the anger equation…and for sharing our common struggle, we’ll see tension dissipating and more peace coming over our homes. Bless you, my friend

      Like

  2. Martha G. Brady says:

    hi liz, i’m your next door neighbor at FMF. i can identify with your struggles with anger. i used to see it as a total enemy. but i learned to sometimes see it as a friend. often anger can be a symptom that serves to warn me of something going on at a deeper level than I am paying attention to. it warns me when imbuing hurt and no one is paying attention to me when i tell them to stop. it also warns me when i overreact to something. instead of rushing to apologize b/f i know what is going on, i can stop and take a look to see what is going on. have one of my heart idols been stirred up? what is it? sometimes it takes a little thinking/examining by the Holy Spirit to figure it out…but I no longer see anger as a total enemy. it opens doors to further growth.

    Like

  3. Andrew Budek-Schmeisser says:

    When that hard red mist descends,
    when it’s just too much to take
    and your happy place depends
    on the jaw you want to break,
    remember Jesus by the sea,
    talking of the things we seek,
    the benefits of humility
    that accrue unto the meek.
    But remember too the temple square,
    and the greedy money-lenders
    and just what He did, right there,
    and the change that it engendered
    when He did the angry trip
    and chased the buggers with a whip.

    Like

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